End of Chemo

The last chemo has been a bit anticlimactic. For one, I will be back in the chemo room to get Herceptin - at least for a few more weeks. Why else - I'm not really sure. I think subconsciously I felt "safe" getting chemo. Like now that it's over what will protect me from the cancer? I don't think that's a reasonable thought, but it's there.

I also felt strange because at some point I really WILL be saying goodbye to all the people up in the chemo room. We're the "back girls" and we're there every week, or every few weeks in some cases. We've learned each others' stories, all about each others' families, and just laughed together. It's the one place where no one looks at us with pity in their eyes (unless someone's family member comes in - they are not allowed to stay but will occasionally come back for a few minutes - and always, they have *that* look in their eyes). We're all normal in there. In a weird way I'll miss that. I will certainly miss them.

For now, I have spent the rest of the day feeling crappy as usual. I'm at the end of it, feeling better. Tomorrow I should be pretty much fine. Hopefully by this time next week I will be on the way to feeling normal again, something I have not felt for a very long time! It's ironic that with the really harsh chemo, I actually did feel NORMAL for the 2 weeks in between. I think it's just that I get it every week that I don't anymore, and also I think the herceptin doesn't help.

One of the nurses warned me not to go overboard when I start feeling good. She said I would start feeling really great but that I may still have ups and downs, and anyway my body is tired, and out of shape, and it will be very easy to overdo.

So while the chemo is over, this is not really *over*. But I certainly hope I will never have to go through this ever again!!