Today is the tenth anniversary of the day I discovered my lump. My "Cancerversary".
All is well. I had my checkup recently and everything looks good. I have no reason to fear, but yet the axe hangs over me as I am sure it will for the rest of my life. Will it fall? Who knows, but God?
I try not to live my life in fear, I have always tried, and often failed. When I was trying to have a baby and kept having miscarriages, I went through and printed out Bible verses about fear and worry and posted them all over the house. It really helped, and I lived a relatively worry-free life, until I got cancer. I usually succeed at remembering God is in control, but lately it seems a little harder. Maybe because I am older, I don't feel great a lot of the time and my body is reminding me I am getting old. I have not been good about getting proper exercise and eating the right things. I feel I am wasting my second chance.
My kids are now grown and either completely out of the house or in college. My husband and I are starting to think about retirement and travel. We are in the process of buying a truck, and plan to buy a travel trailer in the fall. In the meantime, we are planning a big road trip very soon. I am working at a job I love and is meaningful and fulfilling. The future looks bright! So why am I not living my very best life by taking care of myself? Why am I tempting fate? I don't know, but it's a rut that I want to get out of.
In baby-step fashion I am trying to pull myself up a little at a time. There are steps I have successfully taken. I believe in baby steps because huge steps have always doomed me to failure. Wish me luck!
