Last night

I could not sleep because I felt so bad. I got up and went to the living room; I should have taken the time to explain here how I was feeling because now that it's over I'm not sure I can do it justice.

First of all, and what I think people understand the least (and are most offended by) is that my entire body gets so sensitive that it is excruciating to be touched, at all. A hand rubbing my arm feels like sandpaper. My mother-in-law was offended once when I turned down a backrub, and I am sure my husband doesn't understand when I push his hand away from just wanting to touch. (I try to be as polite as possible, but as I said it's very painful, and my main goal is to simply get the hands OFF ME.) A hand resting on my arm feels like it weighs a ton. I wish I could explain it better than that. You could put a big brick on my arm and it would feel the same way.

My entire body feels HOT. I could swear I have a fever of over 105. I don't take my temp anymore because I used to and it was normal. Last night I felt like someone had turned an electric blanket on SUPERHIGH. I throw the blankets off and then of course I get cold and have to get them back, this repeats itself several times through the night when all this is happening (it isn't every night).

Neuropathy, I have explained before. My fingers and toes don't just feel swollen, they are - proven by my wedding ring which is normally loose. But they are also painful. I imagine it might feel something like severe arthritis, but I have not had arthritis so I'm not sure. Last night my legs also felt swollen. This morning they just feel "asleep".

I am uncomfortable in any position. Whatever side I am lying on is sore. Limbs "fall asleep". I just can't find a good spot, so I toss and turn.

Most nights, I also have "restless legs syndrome". I have to continually move my legs. I can not explain it more than that. if you've ever had it, you will know exactly what I mean - if not, you will shake your head and say "huh?".

This is 3 weeks out from chemo, so I am not sure how much is still chemo side effects and what may be herceptin and what may be just in my head (hopefully none!). The Doctor says it takes time to get the chemo out of my system and I can expect more weirdness before it's all over. I hope this stuff goes away soon.