Chemobrain

Chemobrain has been the worst part of this I think. My mind is foggy all the time (though better now than when I was on adriamycin, WAY better!!), I say the wrong word, and I forget things. Sometimes important things. The past week I have messed up a couple of really important things for my kids. I know life goes on and it's not such a big deal and they forgive me and all that. But I am their mother and they count on me and I hate that they can't. I hate that my daughter cried herself to sleep over what I forgot for her. Luckily her issue was solved by a late night trip to Wal-Mart, who had the product she had been reminding me every day for 2 weeks to pick up. I shouldn't be so hard on myself but then again when I am reminded EVERY DAY for 2 weeks and I still forget, it's upsetting. I write things down but then I forget to look at the list, or forget to bring it with me, so what good is it?

Failing my kids is a really big deal to me. It hurts them even if it's not really a huge deal in the long run. Let me stress that THEY are not holding it against me - I am. It's just not the mom I want to be, even though I know I should not beat myself up and that it won't last forever.

Stupid things like saying the wrong word is just plain embarrassing. Also misspelling words and bad grammar. I admit I am not even trying to use proper grammar in this post. You can see how bad it is! I read over my old entries last night and was noticing all the errors. The bad part is, I took extra time to proofread! Ouch. Maybe most people wouldn't care, but I do care.