Red

10 more radiation to go. Or maybe 11; I've lost count. At any rate the last 3 (or is it 5?) are just along the scar, so there are fewer large treatments.

Apparently I am in the small percentage that gets the worse burns. It's red from my neck to bellybutton level. The worst is around the side and almost to my back. I don't know whether it's really worse from the radiation or from chafing, but I don't know that it makes any difference. What I do know is it hurts like hell, bringing me to tears more than once. I can no longer wear a bra, so I am sentenced to going out lopsided, which is the only thing besides my hair that I am self conscious about. In fact, it's WORSE than being bald. I feel like everyone is staring at me, like I'm a circus freak. Come one, come all! Take a look at the one-breasted wonder! See how silly she looks trying to cover herself up! (there's more, but I won't say it out loud).

It's also swollen so that I can't wear my compression sleeve. Did I post about that thing? Whatever.

They gave me some stuff to mix up and "soak" in. It involves wetting a washcloth and then lying down with that on me for 20 minutes. The washcloth, by the way, is freezing cold, even I mix it fresh with warm water. It's exactly like having the worst sunburn ever and getting doused with ice water.

They said if it got worse they can give me something more serious - Silvadene (sp?) - John got that when a Roman candle blew up in his hand. So yeah, that would be more serious.

I can get that tomorrow if I want to. For today, I am to try Advil, possibly a hydrocodone if I need it, and lay there with that washcloth stuff (Domeboro) as many times as I want to.

Once again, I feel like a whiny baby. I know I don't need to apologize, especially here, my place to really tell it like it is. I don't know why I still do. The fact is it's not fun and it's not pretty, and why do I feel the need to pretend that it is?