Counting down

I miscounted somehow. I have to go to radiation until next Tuesday; I had thought Monday. BUT - I thought I had the big treatments till Thursday. Instead, I got a bit of good news today - it was the last one! So, no more burns to my side. I will have 5 "boosts" to my scar tissue and then I'm done.

They said it will be at least a week until my burn is better, and before it gets better, it will get worse. I can't imagine it being worse. The pain is so intense I can't even describe it. it's OK as long as I keep the advil coming, but it's really impossible to take it 'round the clock. For instance, after my infusion today I fell asleep and the Advil was due at 1:30. I slept through until 3:30 and woke up in excruciating pain. I took it at 4:00 and it still hasn't kicked in yet.

I can take hydrocodone if I want to, but honestly I don't want to. If I ever do, it will be at bedtime.

Today in the infusion room, Kim was doing her last chemo and asking the nurse some questions about radiation. (sidebar: I posted about Kim when it was her first day and she looked so scared. it's amazing how time flies and how the attitude changes! And how we all became friends. I wonder if any of us will see each other again.). She was wondering if she could go back to work while doing radiation. I was sitting far enough down that I was not part of the conversation, so I didn't say anything. Anyway it sounds like she will have an easier dose of only 3 weeks. I realize I am in the minority with my severe burn, but I still feel I was lied to. Nothing of this magnitude was even hinted to me. In fact, they specifically said any horror stories you hear are from the past and you don't have to worry about that, just a minor sunburn and some fatigue!

So let's discuss the fatigue. I am able to function and do what needs to be done. I do feel better if I am up DOING something, but it is a major effort to remain upright and force myself to do what I need to do. Today, being infusion day I allowed myself to succumb to my bed and while it felt great at the time, I feel like I have to recover even more now that I'm back up. Yet I feel like I could easily conk out at any given moment.

I may have mentioned this before but I don't remember. I am not going in the pool anymore at the moment because the chlorine will make my burn worse.

I have not made any further decision on herceptin. I have not even put any more thought into it. I'm not having any side effects, other than a little nausea for the few hours after infusion. I am confident knowing that I could stop at any time and believe I have had the majority of the benefit. After I get rid of this pain, I'll revisit the issue.

Same with getting a job. I thought I would want to start as soon as rads are done but I will need to wait till the pain is gone, if only so that I can wear a bra!