Blah, blah.

So tonight I started feeling leery of Tamoxifen again. I'm supposed to start taking it in a little over a week. I had pretty much made my peace with it after talking to other real-life friends who were taking it, but now I am unsure, so I went on another search.

I haven't found anything new on that topic so far, but was reminded of the risk of uterine and/or endometrial cancer from taking the drug. It's not a huge risk, but it's there. Quotes from the cancer.org website:

Women taking tamoxifen must balance this risk against the value of this drug in treating and preventing breast cancer.

Just like everything else about cancer treatments. EVERY.THING. I am so sick of "balancing risk". Every little thing they give me has risks but "oh, don't you want to 'do everything you can to stay alive'?" Well, I would actually prefer to have a good quality of life, for however long that may be (and I believe God already knows). I don't really want to ruin my heart, or cause cancer in other parts of my body. Thank you anyway.

This is an issue women may want to discuss with their doctors.

Yes, let's do that, shall we? I did, and my own doctor told me that if it was his wife, he doesn't know what he would recommend to her, that his JOB is to recommend the "standard of care". Tamox is the "standard of care", so there we go.

Tamoxifen acts as an anti-estrogen in breast tissue, but it acts like an estrogen in the uterus.

Seriously, WTF? Just what the freaking F!!

Once I get the hysterectomy, I won't have to worry about the cancer risk, but I don't know when I'm getting that, for one thing. For another - well, let's just go back to WTF.

Then, in my search tonight I came across a blog where the writer had read not to use anti-oxidants during radiation. Here is an article about that. The writer said she asked her team and was told "we usually don't tell people that but yeah". What the %%$*## $^*#(#&^!!! How many times did I brag to the radiation team AND the chemo nurses that I had managed to stay well all during flu season due, in part, to my high doses of vitamin C? The dietician told me to stay away from most supplements but that vitamins were OK - I know I even asked about C to her - now I am pissed and even more confused than before.

Bottom line, it seems that cancer patients are just completely screwed no matter what they decide to do. And if we do what the doctors say, to the letter, we will hear "at least you did all you could!" while if we make other choices for ourselves we will hear how we think we are smarter than the doctors.

it sucks, and I am really sick of it.