Antsy

I'm antsy.

I don't know why. I want to get a job. Not just for money, though that's part of it, but to keep busy. Don't I have enough to keep me busy at home? Yes, but i don't do it. i don't think I could work at home; I get too distracted.

I saw the radiology oncologist today. Wednesday is my doctor day but I asked the nurse some questions and they fit me in early. See, now that I am rubbing cream on my chest every day I noticed it feels lumpy and just weird. There is a hard lump right about where the tumor was. Not big, just weird. And I guess I am even more paranoid than I thought, so I was freaking out about it a little.

The doctor showed me my X-rays they take every week and showed me the map of my chest wall. The lump I feel is muscle and probably some scar tissue. They can see it's not a tumor. Oh and there is also swelling which is normal at this point in radiation. So nothing to worry about.

On another note it was my 19th treatment today! Over halfway there. this week and then two more weeks and radiation will be over.

He did say HE would recommend waiting even longer for reconstruction. Like 6 months. Blah!

I really need to get out and stay busy so I don't freak out about stuff like this. So I want to get a job. It should be easy enough to get a little part time minimum wage job, but then I think who would want to hire a fat, swollen, bald, lopsided lady who hasn't worked in 20 years and can't stay on her feet for too long? And has to work around radiation and future surgery? Yeah. I'm a real catch for any employer. :-/