Making Decisions

I am the world's worst decision-maker for any occasion, from ordering dinner to painting a room to about anything you can imagine. So I know I am really wishy-washy on the whole medication thing. I wish I knew for sure what to do. Sometimes it's cut and dried: have a headache=take an advil. Nausea meds give me headaches that require a pain pill, therefore I would rather put up with nausea.

Here are my choices, as I see them:

CHOICE #1. Continue taking the medications, as directed, for the length of time directed.
Pros:
Statistically my chances of recurrence go down.
I have only 12 weeks of Herceptin left.

Cons:
Depending on who you listen to, the statistics are not that great
They cause side effects of nausea, sore bones, headaches, which are getting worse as time goes by.
I lose a day each week for treatment on Tuesday
They could cause other kinds of cancer
Herceptin causes heart damage which may or may not be permanent

I'm not sure which of the meds is causing what. The nurse says she has heard complaints about both from people who are taking only one. So it could be both that are causing the bone pain, which is the worst of my complaints so far.

CHOICE #2 Discontinue one or both medications now.
Pros:
side effects should go away.
Risk of other cancers from the medication should go down (although I guess it could possibly be too late)
I feel better in general, do not lose a day each week and can concentrate on moving on with my life

Cons:
My risk for recurrence does not go down.
I would worry about whether I made the right decision.

Do you see my dilemma? I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Here is what I've decided for the moment. Stay off Tamoxifen for the 2 weeks. I made the appointment for Herceptin for next week. Unless I have another totally crappy week, I;ll keep it. Then I will go back on Tamoxifen and possibly take a 2-3 week break from Herceptin and see how that goes.

Although at the moment I am strongly wanting to stop the Herceptin. I know if you've read any of my posts you're shaking your head and saying that you've heard it before. I know I am wishy-washy, and thank you very much for not rubbing it in. YOu can not possibly understand the scope of these decisions unless you have to face them for yourself. Yes, I am very glad that I have a type of cancer that has these treatments available. If I still had cancer it would be a non-issue and a no-brainer. It's the fact they are strictly preventive in my case that makes this so hard. The damage I am doing to my body in taking them can not be ignored. But neither can their success rates in preventing recurrence.

I really, really hate this.