The Story.

okso, a little backstory. On April 6 I woke up and was a little sore in my left armpit. I thought it was strange but one time I ran to the doctor all panicky because there was a painful lump in my leg and it was just a swollen lymph gland from a virus. So I wasn't freaked about it at all this time.

My husband was home that day so we could go to a funeral. When I was in the shower I suddenly, randomly, out of nowhere really, decided I should do a breast check.

So I did.

And what I found was a big lump over my left breast.

I still wasn't panicky. I mean something like 90% of those things are nothing, right? But I showed it to my husband and called the doctor, who agreed to fit me in that afternoon.

Long story short - on April 18 I went in for surgery. A biopsy, results of which would determine the rest - either a lumpectomy, or a mastectomy. A lot of issues went into me deciding to go ahead with a mastectomy if the biopsy was positive. Maybe I'll go into them later.

Bottom line is that here I sit a little more than 2 weeks later, with half the front of my body chopped off, still painful from the tubes and the cutting into various nerves and all that, thinking maybe a blog would be a good idea.

I don't have a family history of breast cancer, according to my doctors. I always make sure to tell them that several of my Dad's cousins have had it. They say that doesn't count, but I tell them anyway. Now I have just heard that there is some new thinking that it might actually count. Whatever - we have a family history now, don't we?

I breastfed 6 babies, for extended periods of time. This is supposed to lower your risk. Oh well! (three of those babies are triplets. We didn't have a family history of those, either! Guess the joke is on us!)

I am 47 years old. I had never had a mammogram. I did self checks but not that often. I get my girlie checks every year and it isn't time for the next one yet.

The lump did not even show up on my mammogram, just as they warned it might not. It was on the ultrasound. Which begs a question I will get into later.

I am completely convinced that God told me to do that self check that day.

Soooo...now what?

Really, I don't have time to be sick! I have plans and things to do, you know? I've spent years just birthing and breastfeeding babies, now there is baseball and Scouts and summer camp and band boosters and laundry and all that fun stuff. Life doesn't seem to slow down just because I have to. At the moment I am waiting for the oncologist to call me (hopefully tomorrow) and set up a visit so we can see what's next. The good news is the surgeon says he "got it all". All means the entire left breast plus 15 lymph nodes (only 3 of which were positive, which he says is good). My little dream world tells me this means I am "done" other than the fact that I will have to stuff one half of my bra for the rest of my life (when I can ever get a bra on without pain that is). That I can pick up and plan the next scout meeting and drive to the band concert and get on with my normal little life. Realistically though, I know they are probably going to want to do radiation and chemo "just in case". So we'll see. I am not in denial, I am just choosing to pull a Scarlett O'Hara moment. You know what I mean. I am not thinking negative, either. I believe I am thinking quite positive. I would just rather face each day as it comes. "Why worry about tomorrow? Each day has trouble enough of its own".

I tell myself I miss "normal". But then again, there really is no such thing as normal.

So there you have it, the basic gist of the story.