*****************************************
This is how some people react when they find there are those who don't appreciate "pinkwashing" in any form. I especially dislike the ones that use cutesy nicknames for breasts that sexualize them. This comment was made specifically about a campaign that is selling cupcakes decorated to look like all sizes/ethnicities of breasts and calling them boobies, melons, jugs, hooters, knockers etc. It is in response to other commenters (mostly B/C patients themselves) that found the entire thing tasteless and demeaning.
It's silly, but then B/C doesn't make you smart..It can * often does make some bitter & humorless..
No, breast cancer does not make you smart. In fact I most often feel stupid as my brain is still so foggy from chemo (and apparently tamoxifen as well) and there is no guarantee I will ever see improvement. Has it also made me bitter and humorless? I have to ask.
Quite probably I am more bitter and humorless than I used to be, but it isn't just breast cancer that has made me so. There is a lot that went into the making of the "new" me and it's been going on for far longer than I have had cancer. I won't go into it here. Suffice to say that I have found myself to be bitter and humorless for longer than I have had cancer. Am I more so than I used to be? I don't think so. Others may disagree. It is something I work on. Some days are better than others.
BUT, I do have to say that I don't think my own B/C is responsible for my thinking these campaigns are tacky. I have thought so for far longer. I think they are tacky because to me THEY ARE TACKY.
I don't think I would have thought much about why, pre-B/C. Let's think about it now.
Breasts ARE sexual objects, that is true. So are penises, but we don't really talk about penises out in public in polite society, or joke about squishing them to detect cancer or make penis cupcakes or wear shirts stating your support for the willies and dicks and...need I go on? (yes, I know there are sayings about squeezing your balls. I think those are tacky, too.)
Now imagine a woman you love, perhaps your own wife, facing the prospect of losing one or more breasts. These breasts have been important in her life. They symbolize her womanhood. They make her clothing look good on her. Perhaps they fed her babies.
They have been important in her sex life. They are important to her partner, but try to put yourself in HER shoes. She will never be able to experience the feelings from them again. She is also wondering what her partner will think, what she should do about reconstruction... Will he still love her if she has no breasts at all? Will he love her more if she has reconstruction? Oh, he will surely say all the right things, but she knows how important breasts are to him. Will there ever come a time when she doesn't wonder? When she can trust that he means what he says, isn't just saying it to placate her?
If she has not had reconstruction, she has a choice to make each time she gets dressed. Prosthetic? Swim with or without a T-shirt? What about all her clothes that have even the slightest of v-necks? Will people stare? Will children make comments? Worse, will adults make comments (it happens. Have you ever read People of Wal-Mart? I refuse, because i could easily be on there for all I know)? Her bra is painful, but she puts it on anyway -- so she can wear her prosthetic -- so that she won't get comments or stares from being lopsided. Yes, the physical pain is very real, but easier to endure than the emotional pain of feeling self-conscious every moment. Now think hard before you tell her to "get over it".
Maybe you can now begin to see how painful it might be for that person to see things like "Save second base". For her, it is too late. "second base" is gone (along with the pre-adolescent years in which sayings like "second base" were cute). Imagine that she loves and appreciates life, and is working on becoming less bitter and humorless. She realizes that the world is focused on boobies, that it won't change and that there will be boobies everywhere for the rest of her life. She knows she needs to "get over" the constant reminders, and it's getting better every day.
Then October comes around again. And like The Holidays, the "celebration" starts earlier every year. It also gets cuter, pinker and more like a party every year. They sure know how to put the FUN in FUNdraising!
I realize that not every other B/C patient feels this way. Some of them say they love the cupcake thing. I am not trying to say they're wrong. I'm just tired of it being us vs. them. If I am bitter and humorless (and stupid, apparently), then they are callous and insensitive. Can't there be a middle ground? And can't there be a little sensitivity (dare I say AWARENESS) to those who are in pain, even if you do think it's stupid?
Thank you for writing this. You really captured just HOW MUCH MORE there is to this whole "boobies" frenzy than some people want to think about. The fact that people would rather condemn someone as stupid or humorless for asking others to think about what they're doing in the name of "awareness" and "ending breast cancer" is a cop out. This is serious stuff. Especially for women who are suffering debilitation, side effects, assault to body image, challenges with intimacy, and concern about their lives. Of course, THAT doesn't fit onto a t-shirt. Nor is it easily molded into a trite toy or food item. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
ReplyDelete