Results

My blood test results are in, and they're clean. So, yay.

I'm 99% sure I'll skip the PET scan for now.

Right now I'm lying around recovering from Herceptin. I did ask about getting it every 3 weeks instead of weekly. He doesn't like to do that because there is a greater chance of reaction and side effects. Given the reactions I've had in the past I can work with that. So, weekly it is.

Only....

I am seriously thinking of stopping. It's only a minor inconvenience at the moment, but will become more of one in the summer and when I get a job. But inconvenience is not enough of a reason to stop cancer treatment. Right?

I'm reading again, researching. I am not finding the numbers to be as great as I was led to believe. I am finding the idea of weekly IV toxins "just in case" to be more and more distasteful.

I am not completely understanding how it works if my tests are clean. Or how it keeps working once I'm done taking it. I have had trouble finding any online information on the subject that was not written in doctor lingo. I've found my questions asked on support boards and they all get the same answers - why wouldn't you want to take it? Who cares about the side effects if it helps?

Well, *I* care. I'm tired of this. According to the "standard" I have 6 more months. I know I don't want to do it for that long.

The more I read the more I wonder why I gave in to chemo and radiation. Fear, I guess. I feel I was tricked into radiation, although I guess I made the best informed choice I could at the time. I wonder what damage I have done to my body? I will never know if it was worth it.

I expect to make a decision in the next few weeks. Maybe I will take a break to see how I feel and if I start to get paranoid again.

But I'm ready to be over it.