Hmm.

I stink at thinking up titles for posts.

We are home from vacation. It was really nice, even if it wasn't Disney. This is the week we were supposed to be in Orlando and I am less resentful of that than I expected. I think the older boys were somewhat bored in Arkansas and are more upset to be missing Orlando. We are planning to go next year though, so it will be OK.

I have a huge list of things to do this week. I am working at VBS each day until noon and need to get all the school supplies and clothes purchased so it will be done before my next treatment. I will have a good week before school starts, but I would like to beat the rush and just have it done. Plus, my plan is to take one kid out each day after VBS and have lunch and then go buy shoes etc. 5 days = 5 kids! (oldest is out of town and there is an extra month before he has to go back to college so we will do him later).

While at my brother's house I found out something that upsets me a little bit. I'm sure my feelings are irrational but still. I am in fairly frequent e-mail contact with several relatives and friends of my parents. I have sent out updates on my condition and how I am feeling, even if they didn't ask. Well, apparently some of them don't believe me and are contacting my brothers to find out how I'm REALLY doing.

I think I've mentioned before that I dislike being talked about in the first place - if I was incapacitated that would be different, although I may still dislike it - I am trying to avoid ANGER because it doesn't achieve anything but I am confused by why they would feel the need to do this (given that I am keeping them well updated) and why they don't believe me in the first place?

Is it that they don't believe there can actually be good days and that someone may be truly keeping a fairly good attitude about all this?

I don't know, but it does bother me.

I have no idea who, if anyone, is actually reading this blog. Here is where I am perfectly honest about my experience and here is the only place that people can see what a baby I am during treatment and how I seem to have a split personality about the whole thing once I am back in the good days. Most people do not hear this exact version of things. But here is the truth about my experience so far:

• Cancer sucks.
• I no longer HAVE cancer.
• Chemo is not as bad as I expected.
• That is not to say it isn't bad. I feel like crap for about 5 days after each treatment.
• Only 2 of those days, however, are really really completely crappy bad. The other 3 are not really bad at all in comparison.
• Then I feel pretty great for 2 weeks. Sure, I have frequent headaches and some other issues related to the treatment, but so far I have been able to live my life (during those 2 weeks) in such a way that if I weren't completely bald, and lopsided up top, no one would ever guess I had any problems at all.
• Then, once I start feeling really good and I dream that this this is all a dream, I get to go in and do it all again. But only a few more times!
• If you want to know how I am doing, ASK ME. It''s not like my brothers know, anyway, considering the fact that THEY don't even ever ask me. Just saying.