Medical stuff

A blogger recently posted that her cancer had come back, in her bones. Of course this is one of the big fears of any cancer patient, and one I have wrestled with a lot.

This dear woman was 6 years past first diagnosis. Her cancer was the same type as mine, and she did everything "right" - double mastectomy, full courses of chemo and radiation, full course of Herceptin, full course of Tamoxifen, ovaries removed. Everything I have been anguishing over whether to do or not to do, studying risks and possible benefits, she had done according to her doctors' recommendations.

And yet, here she is 6 years later, with metastasis. This is not bone cancer. it is breast cancer that is in her bones. It is treatable, but not curable. Apparently it's possible for the metastasis to be a different form that the original cancer - so this may not be hormone receptor positive or HER2 positive anyway. I don't know any further details so that's all I can say.

I spent a couple of days after reading this going back and forth on my feelings. Of course this is a fear of mine, and it's that fear which causes me anguish when trying to make the best possible medical decisions for myself.  But then I looked at it another way. This woman did everything "right", and still it came back. I am not doing everything "right", not according to the standard medical recommendations my doctor is bound to offer. Mine may or may not come back too, and I will never know if it's because I did what I did, or not. It really is just the luck of the draw in the end. And then what comes back can even be a different form, meaning (I think?) that the Herceptin and Tamoxifen didn't even matter??

So maybe this woman feels confident that she did all she could to prevent it even though it's back anyway. I don't know, I only read one blog entry. Since this post is about me, I think if it were me I would be PISSED OFF. Going through all that just to have it return? With all the side effects I was experiencing? Yeah, I would be pissed.

So rather than be afraid (which I think I will always be), I would rather look at this more like a confirmation that I am making the best choices FOR ME. I wish I could really OWN this deep down and stop worrying so much.